This is a tale of acceptance. Acceptance of myself. Just when I thought I couldn’t accept myself any more deeply, I discover something that takes it to a whole new level. I have a lot of questions when it comes to neurodivergence, not just for me, but as a concept generally. While we may not yet have all the answers, whatever is happening with this wave of neurodivergence acceptance is important. I may not understand yet what it means for me too, but exploring it has made all this self acceptance more than worth it.
This is a continuation of thoughts I had on my neurodivergent thinking. I think things are finally starting to come together. I have been writing recently about how I have noticed that my over-explaining doesn’t just occur when I’m scared of not being helpful (variant 1), but also when I’m talking about a special interest (variant 2). These days those special interests seem to be neurodivergence (especially unmasking it) and values (in the context of ACT therapy).
A lovely group of Psychologists on Facebook not only helped me feel accepted for my over-explaining, but also helped me find a new term for it called, info dumping. Info dumping is the tendency to share an excessive amount of information about a specific topic, while going into great detail.
As far as I can tell online no therapist has publicly written about their own info dumping, I imagine the shame around it or fear that you will be seen as a bad therapist, may be overwhelming and preventing others from talking about it openly. So allow me to potentially be the first to talk about it in this sort of forum.
I have come to think that calling it over-explaining may be unfair and invalidating. Calling it over-explaining implies that how I explain things needs to change, that it only brings unnecessary excess. Thing is, it turns out that how I explain things is perfectly fine. How do I know? You’ll have to read on…
Realising that there are essentially two variations/modes to my info dumping has been integral, because it has major implications on how I respond to it and manage it. On one hand I have learnt to manage info dumping out of a fear of not being helpful by containing it. This is important because an excessive amount of the fear of not being helpful can also lead to me experiencing headaches. I have improved at how I ask clients questions and deepened my listening skills. I realise now that this is where the challenges sit. Because while containment works for my fear of not being helpful, it’s a major problem when it comes to my info dumping out of a special interest. In that if I contain my special interest info dumping too greatly, this will also build pressure and lead to subsequent headaches. What works for variant 1, greatly hinders variant 2.
What I’m suggesting is that info dumping is not the problem here, it’s where it is coming from and how I respond to it that is the true key.
Not to overcomplicate things, but stress plays a part as well. If I’m stressed, I’m more likely to carry a fear of not being helpful. Which may be a subject for another time…
Daryl (my DP coach) and I have been having discussions to explore if my info dumping is problematic whenever I provide therapy to a client. We generated theories on how it could both be helpful and unhelpful. We didn’t have recordings of what it looks like, but fortunately for Daryl he has had the opportunity to experience it first hand. I info dump almost the whole time I talk with him. I contain it far less than I do with clients. Interestingly, I’ve never been close to a headache after a coaching session with Daryl, despite all my info dumping. I guess my Deliberate Practice efforts would be another special interest. Despite all the exploration and discussion with Daryl, I decided that I needed more information to help me figure out once and for all if my info dumping out of a special interest does more harm than good.
I spent three weeks asking my clients about it. I ask them if they ever noticed me “info dumping” and “if so – has it brought any challenges to the therapeutic process”. The responses I got were fascinating and validating.
In short, not a single client found my info dumping to be an issue, if anything they found it beneficial. They liked that I go into very thorough explanations of my rationales, what to expect or even how to do something (e.g. practice a tip skill). It turns out that I’m very good at explaining who, what, when, where and how with a beginning middle and end. Some clients said they do have a tendency to think “get to the point” with other people, but I had not yet triggered that in them, I gave them permission to tell me if I do. Some clients also said while I wasn’t info dumping in the typical sense, they could tell I was putting in effort to regulate it. Some clients reassured me that if it was a genuine problem, people wouldn’t be seeing me for as long as they tend to. I said to some that my info dumping only seems to be an issue when I stop listening, to which the response was that I always seem to actively listen well.
I know that containing it to some level is still very important, by no means am I trying to give myself permission to let it fly. I know true info dumping as a therapist would be a major issue. So how do I go about containing it? What systems have I built?
- Check ins – I check with clients along the way, as I explain things. Whether that’s to make sure I’m not losing them, going to fast or to ask whether I’m making sense. I’ll also check if what I’m saying is “resonating” before I continue on. I’ll often check if I have explained something already in the past as well. Sometimes my checking in can be a bit excessive, if I’m feeling less confident on a given day. Some clients really appreciate these check ins. Others find it unnecessary, they tell me to not bother myself, that they will tell me if I’m losing them.
- The bail out – If I’m mincing up my words, not making sense, I’m waffling on or losing the client, I’ll stop myself and reset. I’ll literally catch myself. I’ll either try and re-explain in a more concise way or if I’m not confident I can do that I’ll move on and try again another time.
- Being on the same page – This ties into listening well. I always do my best to make sure I’m on the same page with a client, before I let myself get into info dumping. There’s no point info dumping if it’s not in an area that the client wants to know about. Part of the reason why info dumping works for me is because I’m giving the client information they want to hear.
- Engagement monitoring – I’ll be sure to pay attention to how a client is responding to my info dumping. If their voice, facial expressions, body language and responses indicate that a client is disengaging; I’ll stop and check in.
- Dropping anchor – I’ve written about this one before so won’t go into detail. If I’m sensing that an info dump is not a good idea, I’ll keep grounding myself to contain it. Sometimes if I hold on long enough the moment passes and my brain moves on.
- Feedback – I’ll use client verbal feedback consistently, in order to gauge if my approach needs to change, which includes any feedback on my info dumping.
- Know the content – I have learnt this the hard way. If I haven’t thought through a subject enough or don’t know it well, I don’t allow myself to info dump!
I have had even fewer headaches of late, because thanks to this positive feedback and the kinds of reflections of this post. I have been far more tolerant of allowing my info dumping tendencies. Even if I do get them, they don’t last as long and are less intense. I also seem to be getting better at info dumping effectively as I allow it more, because I’m also practicing it more. If this isn’t a perfect win-win example, I have no idea what is. As a result I have been a happier, more authentic and effective therapist.
I may not be an obvious info dumper to those that know me, but trust me it’s there, I have just learnt how to contain it very well. Reading the book – Unmasking Autism – by Dr Devon Price has helped me realise that when it comes to neurodiversity, it’s not just about the observable behaviours, but the internal struggle that occurs as well. When it comes to my info dumping there is a very consistent internal struggle to contain it. I know this because when I stop containing it, it really soars.
I do also wonder, if info dumping on a special interest is a part of me – does this mean that true calmness or very deep emotions work (as in Emotions Focused Therapy) will never be my thing? This could be an early attempt of me giving myself permission to not be amazing at everything.
The lesson here is that I only need to worry about info dumping half the time, which is if I’m feeling overrun by a fear of not being helpful. Fortunately as I have worked on it so much, I have fairly strong systems in place for managing it these days. I don’t worry anywhere near as much about info dumping on a special interest, it seems that most my clients find it useful. Even then I still have good systems in place to manage it, just enough, so it doesn’t take over. I seem to be doing a pretty good job at finding a counterbalance between containment and letting it out. I’ve come a long way from only feeling like my info dumping was a problem that needs to be eradicated. It’s actually a blessing that needs to be nurtured and respected.
What continues to blow my mind about this Deliberate Practice journey is that it has not only helped me become a better therapist, which I’m grateful for. It has unexpectedly helped me become a more fulfilled and happier human being. It has helped me build the courage to go into my own dark spaces, with the support of the amazing people in my life. If I kept up on the typical path of just learning more therapies, I’m not sure this ever would have happened to the level it has.
Deliberate Practice Psych 