Well, here we are everyone. Another year done. And for me another year of Deliberate Practice in the books. I started to write a post about 3 weeks ago on how I have delved into an idea called ‘client chosen ideographic outcome measures’, but I’ve put that on pause. I want to wind down for the year. So, I decided to do a quick post that gets back to how my writing started – giving you an update on what my personal Deliberate Practice efforts are currently focusing on.

While I do enjoy sharing how Deliberate Practice works, my posts telling you about what I’m doing to tackle my weak spots are the most fun!

If you a new reader, my most recent post will be a good way of catching up on what I have been working on throughout my entire journey of almost 2 years to now.

If you have been reading my posts for some time, you will already know that my focus is on addressing how I can go into this over-explaining/problem solving/fix it mode with my clients. My current Deliberate Practice efforts are continuing to focus on these behaviours. I’m happy to report that I’m getting there slowly but surely.

I’m about to break down exactly what new desired behaviours I have been bringing in. These desired behaviours have built off one another gradually over time – it’s turned into a system of thoughts. I’ve calling this “exploration before explanation”. Encouraging clients to explore their experience before I try and explain it. In the hopes that this will continue to show my stone age brain (fight vs flight response) that it’s ok to let the client be responsible for doing the work.

I came up with these desired behaviours because I find it very difficult to drop anchor prior to me going into problem solving mode when I’m the one that’s talking. Especially if a client appears really interested in what I’m explaining. Some clients will react to learning about their stone age brain, with a great amount of enthusiasm, because they feel like they are finally getting some answers. Reactions like these validate my explaining and can be hard to stop once I get going. Therefore my thinking behind the desired behaviours below is that hopefully I can stop myself talking by asking questions that instead keep the client talking.

It’s not a one size fits all approach – nothing I do is. I’m less goal directed/solutions driven with clients that do not desire it and more directive with clients who have very high levels of distress. Exploration is not for every client. Some just want to talk. Others just want solutions or coping skills. Similarly, if a client comes in carrying a lot of emotion, the session may well turn into being with those emotions, instead of trying to break them down through psychoeducation.

My system of desired behaviours to address over-explaining

In sharing my self-tailored ‘exploration before explanation system’, I’m going to use my favourite intro sheet on the stone age brain as an example of how these desired behaviours happen. It’s a fitting example to use, because over-explaining about the stone age brain is easily where I can get pulled in most. I could talk about it for days (I say that a lot!). The desired behaviours do not always happen altogether, sometimes I only use one and they do not always happen in the same order.

I have brought in the stone age brain information sheet, because giving a client a quick intro document to a concept I intend to talk about has become a part of my process of exploration. The idea is that the client and I work through the information together, instead of me jumping ahead and explaining the content.

The information sheet becomes a part of the therapy, an experience in of itself, instead of me just handing them a piece a paper and talking over it.

This is also a way of letting the information sheet do some of the work as well – look at me delegating! Before I start explaining anything; I hand the client the info sheet, I ask them to read it first and consider how the information in the sheet may “relate to or explain what you are going through”. The client will then sit and read about their stone age brain, for example. Now I get to sit and recharge, observe or reflect, where as before I would be busy explaining! A big thing that had me thinking about this idea, is the power of having a break. A lot of athletes get a break mid match or a pause in play, so I thought – why can’t I as well? I’ve even considered one day asking clients if they would like to take a 5-10 minute break halfway through a session. I always think we as Psychologists can be learning more from other fields in changing how our sessions operate. Why is it that our sessions are a complete and unbroken 50 minutes, who decided that? and why shouldn’t it be allowed to change?

“What’s your understanding of the fight vs flight response?” – I actually ask this question first, before giving them the info sheet above. I’m asking my client for their understanding, before I provide any. The intention here is to tap into their knowledge base, to see if they already know something. It also gets them to do the thinking, not me. At first I was scared of putting clients on the spot and of the idea that I shouldn’t make them feel uncomfortable, but most of them respond pretty well! (Besides they are here to do the work, not me). If a client does appear stuck, I’ll give them some gentle prompts or nudges.

Exploring the stone age brain info sheet, gradually and together – Ok so by this point. I have asked the client about their understanding of fight vs flight, they have read the info sheet and we have started to open up to how fight vs flight relates to them. Now I go further into the sheet with the client, but breaking it up so it’s not overwhelming.

For instance, I’ll point to the top of the info sheet and ask the client: “so, what in your life is your stone age brain reacting to?”. The client will then start to talk about their anxiety triggers; they are exploring and sharing, instead of me explaining common anxiety triggers.

“Is this clicking as something you could use?” – I’m not quite sitting right on the wording for this one. This is the kind of question I’ll ask the client, after some back and forth on a piece of psychoeducation. Its intention is to grasp if the content is something the client feels they can actually use. Obviously I don’t want to waste energy or time on something the client isn’t interested in. My hope with this question is to see if the client is starting to find something that they can work on outside of the therapy session – a step towards them being the person they want to be.

“Is there anything that isn’t making sense about this or anything I can clarify?” – this is a fairly simple way of checking with the client if they need help in understanding something. Sometimes I’ll word it to instead ask if their stone age brain has an “scepticisms” about what they are learning. The question creates a space where the client can ask me to explain something if needed. If the client is comfortable with the content, then I don’t have to take up any more time explaining.

“I feel like I’m hearing (or seeing) x” – Another question that has the intention of picking up if the client is stuck. I ask it if I observe that the client is hesitating in something they are learning; perhaps they display scepticism, uncertainty or confusion in their tone of voice or their body language shifts. Some clients will create distance between them and the information sheet I have given them, or look away from the sheet when I’m talking about it. Questions like this to me are so important because they encourage the client (and me!) to turn towards any discomfort, instead of trying to avoid it. The discomfort gets addressed, as a useful source of information, instead of paved over as something to keep away from. I’m still building up the bravery for this one, I wouldn’t say I’m using it as much as I would like, but I’m getting there.

Desired behaviours from my past blog posts

“what’s your understanding of what I’m saying so far?” – This is a check in of the client’s understanding. I use this one if I have given them an explanation on a concept. This one is supposed to reflect and see where they are going. It’s a good opportunity to learn how they are responding and to ensure I’m on the same page as them. It can be a surprisingly effective question, when it comes to drawing what they are taking away. It’s not uncommon that they will identify a take away that I never would have thought of. I can also use this question to learn when a client is struggling to grasp with the content or which clients feel pressure when ‘put on the spot’.

Observing and calling out when I am stuck myself – This one is about me, not the client. In this desired behaviour, I call out or verbalise my own reactions throughout the session. I essentially aim at calling out when I am getting pulled in by my problem solving mode excessively. I might say something like “I’m noticing I’m starting to try too hard to fix this problem for you”, so calling out a behaviour. Alternatively I might call out an emotional reaction, for instance if a client has said they feel tired after venting, I might say that I really feel it as well. The purpose hear is to continue to normalise undesired emotions and reactions, to walk with them instead of wasting effort trying to avoid them or suppress them. It can also be a good way of modelling the power of just observing these reactions to the client.

Happy Holidays!

Well that’s it from me everyone! I really enjoyed writing this, it’s nice getting back to writing about my journey, instead of teaching about Deliberate Practice. I hope you enjoyed it as well and this helps you to think about if you too are an over-explainer and what things you could do for yourself in response to it.

I hope you all have a wonderful time through the holiday period and enjoy some well deserved time off, if that’s what you have chosen to do. I know I will be!

To everyone that has expressed their support and feedback in writing these posts, thank you so much. It really helps to keep me going and fuels me to keep writing. Please don’t be shy if there’s something you want to share after reading.

I’ll be signing off for a little while now, I’ll be aiming to put a next post up from around February next year. I’ll see you on the other side in 2023 🙂

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